High Town Management Consultancy

Directors;
Smoke – Famed throughout the High Town area for his optimal transitional mobility theory, Elliott is currently working on his opus work “Touching Base”.

Whiting – World renowned “Back Burner” virtuoso.

Fitzayre - Specializing (with a capital ‘Z’) in excellence through kitchen related word imagery – Author of “Cooking with Gas”.

Hackson – High Town’s own Integrated reciprocal third generation options conceptualist.

HC Smackshit – Author of “Reactive NOT Proactive!” and “The International Business Felch”

High Town Management Consultancy’s philosophy can best be described as sarcastic. By using the language of fly-by night business, they proactively nurture their unique selling point, and look forward to your invitation to completely re-engineer your business. The base instinct of our Consultancy team is to involve clients in relationships in snickering, rejecting and ultimately dismantling all alien uses of language and PowerPoint.

At High Town Management Consultancy we can supply punk based optimal digital conceptual time-phasing, balanced transitional scorecards, systematized organisational flexibility options and even parallel reciprocal projections. And present it in your desired form – see below………..electrics or flimsies? You tell us!

Every year, the High Town Management Consultancy invites its prestigious list of clients, together with market leaders, big game players, bleeding edge tycoons, advocates of administrivia and anyone who dare call themselves ‘guru’s in dismantling flow charts and yakking all over them.

Knockouts and Food (we all know how it ends up, and it ain't a pretty panier of steaming bread)

The Mission Statement is a powerful weapon in any corporate leaders armoury. Our Mission Statement is:
“The Mission were awful goth cowboy types with a tendency to overuse eyeliner”.
Actually, our Mission Statement is really - “Present the absolutely fucking obvious in language that no one will understand and convince people to pay through their noses in order that they foolishly delude themselves with feelings of adequacy and advantage over their imaginary competitors”.

So what? Well, engage our Consultants, and we will work with you, as a team, and identify your deepest fears, potential risks and competitors. We can:

• advise on the best in work wear


• help you ease yourselves off the Friday Funnies type email joke lists


• produce benchmark models


• misinterpret financial reports, statements and other such dreck


• drive down business excellence

But it’s not just fun. Through our ongoing partnership with beat combo The Knockouts, we can offer a bespoke anthem/ jingle/ background/elevator soundtrack for your business. Investing in People is passé, and has been for years. You don’t need to pretend you care any more, just as long as you can convince the weak willed that you’re ahead of the game. And we can help you achieve this, through fulfilling our mission statement, which like any sappy stooges of the Harvard fudge, we fully back with a set of cultural values:

• Cure all ills through an instrumental mix of avant-garde garage punk


• Engage your enemy, but ensure that you don’t understand them


• Steadfastly stick to your guns, and remain three or four steps behind the vanguard


• Cower in the face of adversity

BEST PRACTICE – the final word for a useless, puffy concept
The best practice was in November 2002, when The Knockouts really knocked the Mr Side-to-Side material into shape. It was the only time in the history of the Rehearsal Room that no-one came in late, and the only time in history that all The Knockouts were all too ill to play. However, the results were electrifying, and all thoughts of trying to re-record some of those gems were scotched, meaning that much of the material recorded on the ‘Hangover’ session made it on to official Knockout releases. Which again shows the absolute redundancy of fancy language, New Garage, French portions on huge plates, AMEX and the Slip-not obsessed feeding frenzy.

We live the dream and convey it thru electronic media – just look at this load of corporate shite

Emails between Smoke and Andy W
  
   From: Elliot P Smoke
   Sent: 06 July 2001 12:03
   To: Andyw@theknockouts.org.uk
   Subject: RE: Weekend/Mission statement
   
   Excellent. Assume you will be balancing the score cards? 
   Other wize, will need to amalgamate the regressive 
   analysis. Perhaps we should keep Tim and throw a few 
   foxes off his ball park. 2000 sounds fine. My eta will
   be around that time.
   >> “W, Andy” <Andyw@theknockouts.org.uk> 
   07/06/01 11:46am >>
   I appreciate your commitment to industrial tourism, 
   but am aghast at the current illegitimate benchmarking 
   malaise prevalent in the free standing league tables. 
   I wholeheartedly back the option of right course steering.

   A true driver of change like yourself will accept, I am 
   sure, the group dynamics we will achieve in Bricklayers
   arms at 2000 hours,
   Andy
   
   -----------
   From: Elliot P Smoke[SMTP:Smoke@theknockouts.org.uk]
   Sent: 06 July 2001 11:41
   To: Andyw@theknockouts.org.uk
   Subject: Re: Weekend/Mission statement
   
     Excellent again, i think that making a complete mockery
   of corporate chat might be a worthy raison d'etre. We 
   should try making our own phrases up, and try to get them
   in to the everyday parlance of the corporate t*ssbag.
     Saturday night sounds fine. Beer and touching the bases.
   What with your ownership-upshift, and the KO need to get
   more music going (I've got the usual few ideas, lacking
   any kind of cohesion and tune etc), the functional policy
   mobility of the group should be enhanced through our
   integrated policy capability, though of course, we do need
   to be wary of the impact of IliP (Insane Investors in 
   Potaoes) and the concomittant systematized management
   hardware.
     I know this is all a little third-generation, but as I'm
   sure you'll have gathered, the USP burners have gone 
   through the kind of regeneration we were hoping as an 
   outcome from the re-launched optimal reciprocal contingency
   - which in plain language, means it crawled off and died
   under a duck. Slightly premature, yes. Not clever at all.
   Can assess the negative motivational drivers 
   - let's get rid of Tim.

   We need to escalate all bottlenecks. 
   Smoke
   
   >> “W, Andy” <Andyw@theknockouts.org.uk>
   07/06/01 11:20am >>
     Andy, are you & the LT crowd around on Saturday maybe 
   for a drink pm.?
     We can maybe talk about going, if you still want to, to
   the Rythym Hive in Old St the following week (14th) - Mick
   & Julie are away then and speaking to Mick yesterday he
   asked if we wanted to stay at his? Maybe worth considering.
   (Max isn't too keen - she dislikes music of this type....
   although loves the KO's - funny girl.)
     Also, Mick said the EP was "Excellent, obviously"
   which was nice.
     Talking last night to Nash and Kingston minor and we were
   making up really cr*p mission statements. Got me thinking 
   though we do need one - How about using one of your phrases
   for a Mission statement for High Town,
   "Instro-punkamentalists for Quality and Excellence"
     We should liquid benchmark tomorrow to chew the fat off 
   this sort of thing,          
   
   Andy

So, if you have a failing business, you need us.

We can !!!
facilitate
	enable
		consult
			digress
				slander
			report
		time-phase
	bankrupt
invoice

To engage our service please apply by postcard. Electronic communication media not recognised.